Commas do make a difference in flow

Commas do make a difference in flow

Some people use a comma for every pause they imagine is necessary — commas used simply to take a breath. I’ve heard, “I think we need a comma here, don’t you?” A comma may be needed. But unnecessary commas create a visual disturbance for the reader. Commas should provide a smooth flow of words for the reader’s comprehension; they’re intended to help the reader navigate.

This sentence was in a writing video and challenged the viewer to eliminate unnecessary commas without removing words. [words/commas]

“Should the worst-case scenario, in fact, unfold, it would be impossible, unfortunately, in this instance, to guarantee, in a reasonable amount of time, the safe passage of the refugees, despite our best intentions.” [33/9]

My first attempt:

“Should the worst-case scenario in fact unfold, it would be impossible in this instance, unfortunately, to guarantee in a reasonable amount of time the safe passage of the refugees, despite our best intentions.” [33/4 ]

Here is how I would write it using less words.[22/3]


“Should the worst-case scenario unfold, it would be impossible to guarantee a timely, safe passage of the refugees, despite our best intentions.” I feel this is best stated without losing meaning.


What do you think?

 

 

 

 

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